13 Things I learned in 2013

December 31, 2013

2013 may not have been the best of years but it certainly has been an interesting one. Some things I learned this year but I should have already known. For example, every once in a while you get slapped in the face with one simple truth, that is, some people simply will not let the facts interrupt their ignorance. That is especially true when it comes to politics.  What is equally true is that there is always something new to learn everyday. These 13 things may not be the most important things that I have learned this year, but they are significant in their own right. So here are the 13 things I learned in 2013.

1. Survivalist tricks – From how to open a can without having a can opener or a knife to how to turn a beer bottle into a drinking glass, these MacGyver tricks helps prepare you for the coming apocalypse should it happen in our lifetime. For example, after spending a hard day shooting and killing zombies, it’s nice to have a cold beer. Unfortunately the beer is hot and you need to cool it down quick. Take a damp paper towel, wrap it around the bottle and put it into the freezer. Who knew?

2. Who Don Lemon is – I’ll be honest, unless a newscaster does something or says something stupid, I probably won’t know who they are. It’s not that I don’t pay attention, it’s just that there are so many of them. In a world filled with far left extremist, Don Lemon is quickly making a name for himself. Not that Don Lemon would want our praise and nor do I harbor false hope that Lemon will become a mouth piece of the Right. The Baton Rouge born newscaster is one to watch because he isn’t one to toe the line and be a lap dog. Lemon has the potential to become one of America’s most trusted newsmen. Let’s just hope that he continues down this course instead of using his pulpit to be a puppet.

3. Dash cams are important and cheap – When I first thought about getting a camera for my dashboard, I was expecting costs to be in the hundreds, so I began to look on the internet for the costs. Truthfully, I wanted one for my own personal use just because I’ve been on the road enough to know you don’t know what to expect. As I began my research, I discover that these things are only about $60-90 for a decent camera. They monitor your speed and automatically save two minutes prior to impact as well as two minutes after, even if you’re in a grocery store. If you break into my vehicle, make sure you take the camera, or at least smile.

4. Russians are crazy – Speaking of Dash cams, did you know Russia has a problem with pedestrians running into cars while they are moving? It seems that the way the law is set up, if a driver hits a pedestrian, he is responsible for damages unless he can prove that it was not his fault. So, Russian drivers have set up dash board cameras to protect their selves from fraudulent pedestrians. I admit, I enjoyed the scene at the 3:00 minute mark.

5. Selfie – Maybe I learned what a “selfie” was in 2012 and people were taking them for a few years now, usually in front of a mirror, but it wasn’t until Mr. Obama and the Danish Prime Minister took a selfie at Nelson Mandela’s funeral before “selfie” became a mainstream word.

6. The President gets to apply the law as he sees fit – I was always under the impression that the congress makes laws, and the President faithfully executes those laws, but this past year, I learned that is not the case. The President gets to decide who Obamacare applies to, and who it doesn’t apply to. Sure all Americans are subjected to the law, but the employer market gets a 1 year exemption, the individual market does not. Obamacare applies to you, unless the President says the law doesn’t apply to you.

7. “Twerking” – Thanks to Miley Cyrus desperate attempt at being “cool”, we all were lucky enough to find out what “twerking” was. Thanks a lot Miley Cyrus.

miley-cyrus-wrecking-ball-gif8. Cyrus/Beiber can stunt double for each other – Thanks again to Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber for showing off their twin bodies. Cyrus exposed her 12 year old’s body in her wrecking ball video and ruined what might have otherwise been a great song. Thanks for that gross image Cyrus. Not to be outdone, Beiber became enraged at a photographer and took off his shirt and exposed his muscles, or should I say Miscles? The only good that came out of it was that the world could see they have the same exact body.

9. Tom Cruise is all that and more – Tom Cruise can walk the moon like astronauts and do it without wearing equipment. Tom Cruise can walk on the sun barefooted. Tom Cruise can hold up the world using just his pinkies. Come on bro he’s got tiger blood. He’s bi-winning. Sorry, I’m getting my “latest Hollywood freakshow” mixed up. According to family court documents, Cruise believes he is in better shape than Olympic athletes. Thanks TMZ.

10. We won’t know who the GOP nominee is for two years – You would think that was a no-brainer, but the way conservatives are going through Presidential nominees, your guess is as good as mine who will be the nominee. This year we’ve already had at least two nominees Ben Carson and Ted Cruz. We dropped the other ones because they aren’t conservative enough, and well Ben Carson was the nominee until Ted Cruz came along. Who we’ll drop Cruz for is anybody’s guess, probably the next Republican to win an election. One thing you can bet on… We will keep Democrats busy with our nominee du jour.

Chinese plate11. Chinese food boxes are plates – Thanks to Facebook, I learned that when you open a box of Chinese food, they actually fold open to form a plate. Who knew?

12. Keep the roll in the box – Now this was invaluable information. For years I struggled with the Saran Wrap and Aluminum foil, trying to hold the roll in while I tear it off. All along, I was supposed to push in on the side of the boxes to keep the rolls in place. Now I know, and now you know.

13.  NSA already knew – Let’s face it, the NSA already knew what I would put down on this list before I knew what I would put down on this list. They know what I say during my phone calls and what is on my emails. They are like Santa Clause, checking their list, checking it twice, going to find out who is naughty and nice. Except on their list, they know who is a mean evil terrorist Republican who may attempt to destroy America by voting, and a peace loving religious man with a bomb strapped around his stomach ready to rid the world of those pesky infidels. Thank you NSA for keeping us safe… of course they already know how grateful I am to them, unless I’m not. Doesn’t matter if I know, Big Brother is watching and he knows… welcome to 1984, I mean 2014.


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