Since the first time we gave out our Chucky Award, it has remained closely guarded by various Louisiana citizens. Though we give affirmative action points to Louisiana Residents, we would prefer it if we could send the Chucky Award across state lines. We hope that this is the week that we are finally able to end the stranglehold that Louisiana has on this Award.
Let’s get right down to the nominees. Our first nominee is pretty famous around these parts. In fact, he’s mostly known for his work in New Orleans, and believe it or not, it’s not Ray Nagin, nor is it political. It’s just a pure bone-headed thing to do. With just over two minutes left on the clock and Tampa expending all their timeouts, Saints coach Jim Haslett calls a reverse on second down. The common sense thing to do here is keep the ball on the ground and use up at least another minute and a half and punt the ball if necessary. This would force Tampa Bay to go about 60 yards with very little time left in the game and no way to stop clock. Instead RB Reggie Bush fumbles the ball, giving the Buccs prime field position, which they scored a touchdown with just seconds left on the clock. Maybe it’s not Chucky worthy, but boneheaded nonetheless.
We are all familiar with the next nominee, after all he was a two term President of the United States. That’s right folks, Bill Clinton makes his debut on the Chucky Awards. He becomes a nominee after whining that the media is picking on his wife. If he really wants his wife’s record to be covered, then maybe the media should ask her “If she can’t even handle her husband, how on earth can she handle terrorism?” Truth is, if she can’t handle the media, if she can’t handle the attacks from her Democrat colleagues, if she can’t keep track of the women her husband is sleeping with, how on earth is she going to protect the United States from determined terrorist? Ah well, let’s move on to our next nominee.
We have a race closer that Hugo Chavez’s referendum on despotism for the next nomination… and of course, it’s another teeny booper sex scandal. Once again, it involves another Washingtonian, only this time it’s a Democrat. Sen. Maria Cantwell’s staffer Mike McHaney apparently has a thing for hot young bare breasted boys. Don’t look for this in the news anytime soon as only Republican sex scandals are worthy of the news. But being as this is a Democrat Party that rewards bad behavior, look for Mike McHaney to run and win a political office sometimes in the future.
But in a race too close to call, we have to give the upper hand to another Louisiana resident, but not just because he’s a Louisianian, but rather because it was his own daughter. Props to the sick and disgusting pervert for being a small enough of a man to rape his two year old daughter, it’s not something most men can accomplish even if they wanted too. Though this story is a little ancient, his guilty verdict qualifies him to make this week’s Chucky Award nomination. Is Trey Austin Bernard III guilty? I don’t know, but if he is guilty his punishment is not enough, well except for they hygienic part. The only reason he doesn’t get the Chucky Award is because this is old news, but at the very least, it’s worth a Chucky nomination.
And the winner is…Kristine Calongne, LSU University Relations for her role in changing LSU’s ‘Christmas’ tree into a ‘Holiday tree’, creating controversy because in her words “We have… many diverse cultures, and religions, and backgrounds, people from so many different countries, you do want everyone to feel welcome and you certainly don’t want to offend anyone in anyway.” She also goes on to say “This year we’re calling it a Holiday tree to be inclusive of all the different events that we are going to have surrounding the ceremony. We’re going to have a Kwanzaa celebration, we’re lighting the Hanukkah Menorah, we’re going to light the tree, we’re going to sing Christmas carols.”
How does LSU or any institute of higher learning hire people with such nonsense? Will somebody please explain how EXCLUDING “Christmas” makes it more inclusive. You cannot exclude groups and call it more inclusive. Congratulations Kristine, with the help of the long list of people trying to exclude Christmas to make it more inclusive and being the Holiday season, we feel the good cheer of giving you the gift of the prestigious Chucky Award! Perhaps next year you can ‘exclude’ the fake white snow so as to not offend ethnic minorities. I know I would feel a lot more welcome and more included without all that fake white snow. And please get rid of the star at the top, it offends me because it makes me think of Muslims. And please get rid of the candles, nothing against Jewish people, but living like the Amish offends me! Let’s use electric candles for crying-out-loud, it’s 2007 and candles can easily cause fires, and that offends me!
Quite frankly, why is it always the majority of America who have to tolerate the minority? Why do we have to put up with this stupidity year in and year out? It’s absolutely ridiculous that we have to watch our steps because we might offend somebody. If you’re that worried about offending people, shut your mouth and never say anything, never do anything, never change anything, because that’s the only way somebody can go through life without offending somebody, and even then you’ll probably offend somebody.
My God what is wrong with people? Do you really think that people who come to America are going to be offended by our Holiday traditions? Do we expect to go to France, and expect them to stop eating so much cheese because that’s not our tradition? Are we going to go to Holland and expect them to wear tennis shoes in our presence? Or Japan, shouldn’t they keep their shoes on in their homes while in our presence? We expect their traditions to be different and we understand that they have different traditions, and that’s part of the experience of traveling overseas. People all over the world go to various countries because of their traditions. Why do we have to change out traditions to accommodate them? It’s absolutely stupid that every time somebody chooses to get offended we have to bend over backwards to please them. Has it ever dawned on anybody that people who get offended over the silliest things might actually have a mental problem and be in need of some professional help? If somebody doesn’t want to believe in Christmas, nobody is forcing them too, but at the same time, they do not have the right to deny the majority of Americans from enjoying a holiday that is a long standing tradition for them.
Stupid anti-Christmas people, they’ll probably sweep the December Chucky Awards.
Anyway folks, that’s all the time we have tonight, please feel free to drop a line on who you think should have won the Chucky Award.