It Must Suck To Be A Democrat

June 16, 2011

Let’s be honest with ourselves, especially if you’ve seen the Anthony Weiner Twit Pics, it’s really not that big of a deal. He’s a Democrat, what do you expect? Perhaps the image of Anthony Weiner’s weener is why the Democrats are so offended. Unfortunately for the wives of congressmen, it’s the head on the shoulders that’s rather large. So if you’re a congressman, do you want people knowing what compensation you gave for that large ego? I wouldn’t think so.

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The truth is that if you have no morals when it comes to sexuality, you go to the Democrat party. Beastiality? Waitress Sandwich? Touching a Peace Corp Volunteer? When you’re a Democrat, you just blame the Republicans. For example, Weiner’s Weener, the defense it to talk about prostitution ie. Senator Vitter. Whatever you do, don’t talk about Barney Frank’s affair with a male prostitute.

Still, I’m eternally grateful that it was Weiner’s weener and not lewd photos of Debbie Wasserman-Schultz or worse, Helen Thomas. Just the thought of Thomas will give me nightmares for weeks. Speaking of Wasserman-Schultz, President Obama said that she’s “easy on the eyes”… yeah, if you’re blind. I take one look at her and the first thing that comes to mind is shampoo. The second thought that comes to mind is, maybe she just didn’t know how to read the instructions. I’m certain that it’s just a matter of time before the media gets their marching orders and starts telling us how gorgeous Wasserman Schultz is. I almost wish Wasserman Schultz would take beauty tips from Lady Gaga, take off the pants and cover up the face.

All I’m saying is it must suck to be a Democrat, look up and see Ms. “Easy on the eyes’ spewing out nonsense. It must really suck to be a Democrat and believe the things she says like Republicans think illegal immigration “should be a crime“. It must really suck when you’re a Democrat and don’t understand the term “illegal” means “in violation of current law” and is “a crime”.

It must really suck to be a Democrat when you can take the easiest stances on issues and the self proclaim yourself as both “intelligent” and “compassionate”. Let me guess, you’re a Democrat and you think everybody deserves health care? Or how about you think every homeless person should have shelter. You think elderly people should have medicine, right? You believe children should have food in their stomach, right? Oh, I know, you think we should drink “clean water”, right? Do you also think people should be allowed to breath “clean air”? Wow, you are so caring.

Unfortunately, I care more than you. You see, like you, I believe that everybody deserves health care. Moreover, I believe that everybody should be able to get “painless health care”. Why? Because I’m both smarter than you, and I care more than you.

Homeless? I too think it would be wonderful if every homeless person should have shelter, but I think they should also get a clean pillow and a soft bed. Why? Because I’m both smarter than you, and I care more than you.

Medication for the elderly? Yes, I’m absolutely smarter and more compassionate than you because not only am I for elderly people getting medicine, I’m for them getting medicine that has no side effects. Food for children? Of course I care more than you, and I’m smarter than you. Why? Because I want to feed them with delicious food. Clean water? I care more than you and I’m smarter than you because I want them to get “clean Gatorade”. Why? Because it helps replenish the body and tastes better than water. Clean air? I have a much better solution again that both proves I care more than you and am more intelligent than you. I want everybody to have a lifetime supply of oxygen tanks so they can really get clean air.

Who will pay for my intelligence and my compassion? Why, you of course. Please send me a check for 30% of your income, I know you can afford it. Quit being greedy. You’re not going to send me a check? Well, why don’t I just take it out of your pay before you even get it? It’s not theft if the majority agrees with me. I care about these people, you should pay for it. Of course I shouldn’t pay for it, I’ve already given my fair share by “caring” and being more “intelligent” than you.

If you don’t see the point of the last four paragraphs, then you’re probably a Democrat. If you don’t get it, everybody else is looking at you and thinking, “it must really suck to be a Democrat”.

Fortunately I’m not a Democrat. My arguments are not 3rd grade concepts and my defense of bad, ineffective policies is not “inherited a mess”. Finally, it must suck to be a Democrat knowing that Ronald Reagan would have turned the economy around by now. Thank God I don’t know how much it sucks to be a Democrat. I just know how much it sucks living in a country with so many Democrats in office.


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