Open Letter to Mayor Kip Holden – A Commentary

March 8, 2012

Mayor Kip Holden testifying with injuries on his face (after walking into a “wall”)

 

Dear Mayor Holden,

I’ve watched the video of your testimony on May 22, 2007 a few times and I want to know, how did you bloody your lip and get a black eye from walking into a wall? You see, that version you told the State Legislature just doesn’t make sense. What does make sense is the version that we questioned back on September 14, 2008. Prior to your testimony, the night you were with Trey Bargas, a Baton Rouge Police Officer who was assigned to your body guard duty, failed to keep a man from entering his own home. That man walked in and saw your Democrat side bouncing on his wife. He proceeded to beat you and you ran out the house, leaving the woman helpless, and the man furious. See, that’s how mayors and other people usually get black eyes.

What I’d like to know is before you chase those married  women, do you ever stop and think about all the women who suffered when they lost their husbands, brothers, sons, and grandsons to violent crimes while you take police officers off the streets to protect you? How is the violent crime rate in Baton Rouge?

Do you feel fortunate that the Baton Rouge Sheriff’s office isn’t as effective as we are in investigating you? It’s a good thing that I am not one of those detectives, right?

We hope that you will be man enough to come out and just admit it, but the way you ran out of that house, we seriously doubt that you would. However, perhaps the officer that was with you that night on Highland Road will come out and admit it. Just a thought. Oh yes, that’s an “innuendo” and “hearsay”, and perhaps your slick attorney (Oyl) will even be so bold to call me “just a blogger, accurate, but still just a blogger.”

John Pierce has stated that he’s willing to take a polygraph test, and issued a challenge to you do to do the same. He’s stated that he’s willing to do one with or with out you doing one. Put your cards on the table Kip, and take one. Did you run out so fast that you passed up your own car? Did you have a man yelling at you through the car window that he knew “who you are”? Were you involved in covering up a DUI accident? Did you provide Saints and LSU tickets to  Jeanie Louque?

We’ve done our investigation, and it seems the more we look, the more we find. Other officers are certain to come forward. After all, isn’t it better to just come forward to the FBI or Sheriff’s department than to be outed in public by Louisiana Conservative? I’m sure some of  these officers want to clear their conscience. Who knows what we’ll uncover next. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe, just maybe.

FAT CHANCE

The Record (Bergen County, NJ) September 27, 2004 | VIRGINIA ROHAN, STAFF WRITER VIRGINIA ROHAN, STAFF WRITER The Record (Bergen County, NJ) 09-27-2004 FAT CHANCE — IN SITCOMS, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN SEEM TO CRAVE SCHLUMPY GUYS By VIRGINIA ROHAN, STAFF WRITER Date: 09-27-2004, Monday Section: THE MIX Edtion: All Editions Notice how in sitcoms, the wife is usually the better-shaped half?

Today’s TV producers and executives are really fond of the “hottie-hefty” comic formula.

This time-honored TV tradition – evident as far back as Jackie Gleason’s “Honeymooners” – continues to gain in popularity this fall, with several new odd couples joining the crowd.

Last week, CBS launched “Listen Up,” in which Jason Alexander, as pudgy and as loud as ever, has a pretty and classy TV wife (Wendy Makkena). As George Costanza, of course, Alexander gave hope to schlumpy men everywhere by bedding a series of beautiful women.

Next week, CBS introduces “Center of the Universe,” in which the mountainous John Goodman and the svelte Jean Smart play happily married John and Kate Barnett. It’s a big change from Goodman’s Dan Conner, who had an equally rotund wife, Roseanne.

In Goodman’s other new project – NBC’s “Father of the Pride” – he voices portly Larry the lion, whose wife, also named Kate (Cheryl Hines) is one shapely lionness. The producers of this CGI-animated comedy could have made the characters any size. Even here, they went the hottie-hefty route; nothing new for animation. Marge Simpson is a goddess compared with Homer, and let’s not even start on Fred and Wilma Flintstone. website keenan and kel

The newcomers join duos such as:

* Courtney Thorne-Smith and Jim Belushi (ABC’s “According to Jim”): The “Melrose Place” siren and Bluto Blutarsky’s look-alike brother play Cheryl and Jim, who are crazy for each other. Their disparity is especially evident when Belushi goes shirtless.

* Leah Remini and Kevin James (CBS’ “The King of Queens”): They play loving but physically mismatched Doug and Carrie Heffernan. (In real life, the boxy James lost over 40 pounds since the show began, and Remini gave birth in June, but there’s still a big difference in size.) * Andy Richter and Rebecca Creskoff (Fox’s “Quintuplets”): The cherubic Richter and the curvaceous Creskoff are Bob and Carol Chase, who are raising teenage quintuplets. Carol may have given birth, but Bob’s the one who never got his figure back.

* Jami Gertz and Mark Addy (CBS’ “Still Standing”): Their high school sweetheart characters, Judy and Bill Miller, are still laughing after 17 years of marriage. Addy elicited chuckles when he did a strip-tease in “The Full Monty.” * Megyn Price and Donal Logue, (WB’s “Grounded for Life”): As Sean Finnerty, the dumpy Logue gets the leggy Price as his TV wife – the neighborhood’s “hot mom,” as we learned in an early episode when the series was still on Fox. . see here keenan and kel

Judging from the Nielsens, viewers apparently like mismatched couples. But others find it distractingly unrealistic.

“Wings” star Steven Weber, for example, says it’s one reason he has turned to cable comedies like “Curb Your Enthusiasm” – and away from network sitcoms.

“I don’t understand why there are just a glut of what I call these fattie-and-hottie shows – the obese husband and the really hot wife,” Weber said recently in response to an interviewer’s question about the future of TV comedy. “I’ve lived in New York and LA all my life. Maybe that’s what it’s really like in the rest of the country. Maybe all these guys toddle around with their pants up to here, with these really busty beautiful girls.” To be sure, there are compatibly sized sitcom couples, like Ray and Debra Barone. And the hottie-hefty formula can also be found on dramas. (Think of “NYPD Blue” Detective Andy Sipowicz, whose second and third wives were played by lovelies Sharon Lawrence and Charlotte Ross.) Most often, though, you’ll find the trend in comedy – and not just among marrieds. Size discrepancy was part of the humor of teams like Laurel and Hardy, Abbott & Costello, Lucy and Ethel, and Keenan and Kel.

The classic TV example was Ralph Kramden, who was thrice the size of wife Alice. Even deglamorized, Audrey Meadows was a pretty woman.

Why is it usually the woman who’s hot and the man who’s gone to pot – and rarely the other way around?

For starters, sitcoms are often built around successful male comics, says Robert Thompson, director of Syracuse University’s Center for the Study of Popular Television.

“Kevin James, Jim Belushi – you gotta take them how they are. But the wife you can cast however you want, and – big surprise – they make them pretty,” Thompson says. “Secondly, these are comedies, and I think in many cases, it’s funnier when you’ve got the guy being a schlub like this. To some extent, it’s become its own comic device.” He also points to the Ivy-League-trained comedy writers who’ve invaded Hollywood.

Says Thompson, “It’s the true Harvard dream of many of the men who work on these things that beautiful young women will like balding, overweight guys. If it can’t be true in the real world, it can at least be true on television.” * Illustrations/Photos: * * *

VIRGINIA ROHAN, STAFF WRITER


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