Paul Weir — Presidential Candidate

June 9, 2008

Exclusive — Must Credit Louisiana Conservative Dot Com

I am happy to announce that we here at Louisiana Conservative have been given exclusive coverage of Paul Weir, candidate for the Presidency of the United States! We have already dispatched reporters to his campaign and we will be watching his campaign closely. Granted, he’s not the nominee of a major political party, he’s not even the nominee of major third party. His chances are very slim. He knows it, we know it, and you know it, but it’s still a major honor to have an actual Presidential candidate choose us to do his reporting.

I’m so excited for the writers of this website, they have worked long and hard hours and they deserve the recognition. We haven’t had a chance to do an interview with Paul Weir but we plan on giving him every opportunity to have his voice heard. Here’s an early transcript of the conversation that I had with Paul Weir earlier today.

Louisiana Conservative: “Paul, I’m so grateful that you chose us at Louisiana Conservative Dot Com to do the exclusive reporting on your campaign. For the record what made you choose us? Was it the outstanding comedy or the incredible insight into politics that we have?”

Paul Weir 08: “Well… no… not actually.”

LC: “Was it the tremendous skill we have at painting a bright picture of people? Oh, wait, it had to be our extraordinary ability to…”

Weir08: “Stop, it wasn’t anything you did, you were actually way down on the list. I tried to go to the MSM but they were so caught up in the whole Hillary and Barack thing that there wasn’t any room for anybody else. I figured once Barack won the nomination that I would be able to, at least, get a little publicity, but when I made my phone calls the press was shocked that somebody other than Barack Obama was in the race. Come to think of it, I am still in shock that guy named John McCain was in the race… I thought he dropped out back in March.”

LC: “Oh, well you seem like a decision maker, which is a major plus considering you already have picked out your Vice Presidential candidate.”

Weir08: “Yes, his name is John Skrude, he brings gravitas to the ticket. I want the American people to know that I’m decisive so I analyzed my situation and realized what I needed was gravitas. Look at my two opponents, they can’t even decide on their own who should be their Veep. They are so indecisive that they have to form committees to search for a candidate. McCain’s flirting with Governors Jindal and Crist, while Obama can’t decide if he wants Strickland or if he should do Hillary Clinton. I’m decisive, I wouldn’t do Hillary Clinton.”

LC: “What? Well, you’re making the right decision. Anyway, let’s talk about your campaign, what makes you different from John McCain and Barack Obama?”

Weir08: “Well there’s a lot of differences, let’s start with my campaign theme ‘Hope, Change, and Straight Talk’ , now there’s a message that the people can rally around.”

LC: “But isn’t that already being used? Hasn’t that message been used a thousand times before?”

Weir08: “Oh no, you say it’s being used, but by who? Obama is using straight talk about Hope and Change, McCain is Straight Talk which gives people hope that there will be a change in campaign rhetoric but I’m all about ‘Hope, Change, and Straight Talk’.

LC: “Okay, well I’m so excited to have this opportunity for the staff at Louisiana Conservative Dot Com. We look forward to hearing your views on the many issues that affect Americans such as high gas prices, the war in Iraq…”

Weir08: “I’ll tell you about the war in Iraq, I listened to the American people when they told me how concerned they are about the national security. I criticized the war when it wasn’t going too well. I stood up and said ‘this was a mistake’, but I also knew how important it is to win it. I have a plan to end the war in Iraq, I will sign an executive order immediately after taking the oath of office withdrawing our troops immediately and calling it a victory so the whole world knows that we didn’t just ‘give up’. Now Obama says he’ll leave 30,000 troops in Iraq, but I’ll leave 50,000 troops for 110 years if I have to. It’s important that we have a change of direction, and I’m just the guy to not just end the war, but end it with victory.

LC: “Aren’t you sort of taking their position on Iraq? I mean, other than one saying victory can be achieved and the other saying the war is lost, their position is pretty much the same isn’t it?”

Weir08: “No, I’m taking the moderate position which is the same position as the American people. I’m standing by my views through thick and thin, unless of course, the situation changes.”

LC: “Well Mr. Weir, we definitely look forward learning more about you as the campaign heats up.”

And you can find out more about Paul Weir and John Skrude on the campaign trail. Please help us fund our reporting efforts by purchasing a Weir/Skrude08 campaign sticker or other products found at Louisiana Conservative Dot Com.

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2 comments
GM Roper
GM Roper

Hilarious! Had me going for about 45 seconds...

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