Safe Knockout

November 24, 2013

I’ll give up and concede that Democrats are correct. What’s the old saying, if you can’t beat them, join them. Well, sort of at least. I can’t really join the Democrat party, I’ve have way too much testosterone to be a male Democrat. Only a Democrat can look at the color of a man’s skin and think that’s justification to support him and not see anything inherently racist about that. Have you ever seen a man more afraid of guns than Piers Morgan? When he finds out we that we use terms such as “war”, “bomb”, “field general”, “shotgun”, “pull the trigger”, and “run and gun” in America’s most popular sport, he’s going to go on a rant about abolishing such a dangerous game.

Speaking of the NFL, I think this may be the last year that I watch the sport. I think I’m going to just stick to hockey. If it wasn’t bad enough they took men and made them wear pink. If the sight of men prancing around in pink wasn’t bad enough, the had to go with pink flags. I know, it’s about breast cancer, but if you ask me, it would have been much better to give the money to breast cancer research instead of spending it on pink accessories to exclaim how much they care.Why do I get the feeling somebody is going to completely miss my point that I just made and assume that I don’t care about breast cancer awareness?

But it’s not just think pink month that has me down on the NFL. Between Chris Collinsworth making such a big deal out of every little detail imaginable and Bob Costas with his annoying holier than thou lectures, I can’t remember the last time I sat completely through a Sunday Night Football game. My favorite team is on Sunday Night Football right now, and instead I’m here typing away. Collinsworth reminds me of the Alec Baldwin playing “enthusiatic guy” on ‘Friends’. The NFL crackdown on hits and the inconsistency of teams, parity, its just not the game that I grew up with anymore. Maybe I’m alone in my thinking on this.

So if you can’t beat them, join them. I want to show Democrats how understanding and “tolerant” I can be. For years and years Democrats lectured us that “kids are going to do what they want” and we should encourage them to do whatever they want responsibly. Well they won’t listen to their parents advice if the parents tell them to do the right thing, but somehow will listen to adults if adults tell them to do the wrong thing correctly.

You may have heard of this new game called “knockout” that kids are now “playing”. They walk up to somebody as casually as they can and when they get close enough, they hit the person one time as hard as they can and knock them out. It doesn’t matter if the person is young or old, male or female, black or white, they just pick their target at random and hit them.

So kids, let’s talk about “Safe knockout”. We all know that telling you not to walk up to people and punch them in the face is wrong isn’t going to stop you, after all, kids are just going to do what they want to do anyway, so we want to encourage you to practice “safe knock out”. The first thing you have to know is to pick your victim correctly. Remember, Conservatives believe in gun ownership, Liberals don’t. If you attempt to “knock out” a conservative, you run the risk of hitting a person who has a gun. This is “high risk behavior”. If you fail to knock him or her out, you could get shot. Getting shot could cause you to become hospitalized, paralyzed, or worse, can cause death.

We encourage you to pick out somebody that does not own a gun and who does not have a concealed weapons permit. Look for the “I heart Obama” sticker. Also, your best bet is to do this in cities that have strict gun control laws. What is most important to remember when playing “knockout” is to make sure nobody gets seriously hurt.

Now I know my conservative readers probably feel like I betrayed conservative values while Liberals are probably ready to give me a standing ovation for coming over to the dark side. Really, I haven’t. All I did was use the Liberal argument from other instances. I don’t believe that encouraging kids to play “knock out” is appropriate and at the risk of being called a moralist, I have to admit that we ought not encourage kids to play this “game”.

But I was making a much bigger point here, that point is that as adults, we have an obligation to encourage children to do the right things all the time. We aren’t going to be effective sending mixed messages. Messages such as, Stand up for yourself, but don’t defend yourself. Have sex, but don’t get pregnant. Get an education while we lower our expectations of what you are capable of learning. We’re not perfect, we’re human, we will make mistakes throughout life. But our best bet is to live the best we can and through our words and actions encourage each other to live the best they can as well.




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