The Dangers of Driving While Sober Page 2

June 2, 2015

The Dangers of Driving While Sober (continued)

I’m shocked, but I comply. I repeatedly stated that I’m sober, that this is a mistake, this is a waste of our time, but it’s futile, he’s putting me in the back of the car. He tried to assist me into the car and I state that I can get into the car by myself because I am sober. Suddenly a firm anger seemed to overtake the officer and he stated loudly “You’re slurring your words, you can’t stand straight, you failed all the tests, and you REEK of alcohol.”

I reeked of alcohol? Well, there goes the prescription drug theory… or any drugs for that matter. Clearly officer Corkern thought that  I was drunk. So while we waited for the tow truck to come tow my car away, at his request- my expense, I felt time slipping away. Officer Corkern tells me that I will be in jail overnight and that I would be released in the morning but now I’m worried about my car being towed.

On the way to the sheriff’s station in Greensburg, La, I was able to view a playback of the dashboard video and I’ll admit, the moment I stepped on my sock was pretty bad, but I don’t believe having poor balance is illegal either. At the time, I was a bit worried about a breathalyzer because even though I had only one drink, I had never had to do a breathalyzer before and did not know how it worked. On the other hand, I was completely willing to provide a urine sample because I knew that the results would be negative. No prescription drugs, no mota, no cocaine, no meth, not even an aspirin.


Actual breathalyzer test results. Urine tests also came back clean.

As the officer and I are talking, he tells me that he’s a ten year veteran of the State Patrol, which shocked me because I was certain that he was a rookie making a gung-ho rookie mistake. How does a ten year veteran not know better? He also tells me that he thinks the DUI laws should be stricter. Stricter? I’ll express my opinion on that at towards the end of this article.

While at the station, one of the  deputies asked me why I was being arrested, to which I responded and pointed at Corkern, because “He thinks I’m drunk”. Though I was still being polite, I was becoming annoyed and was subtly poking fun at the State Patrolman. I was sober- how could this officer not see that? I didn’t try to say I knew any legislator, or anybody in the Governor’s Mansion. I did not say anything about this website, I simply wanted to prove that I was sober and go home.

I gave them the urine sample and then I sat down for the breathalyzer. I blew as hard as I could into the breathalyzer machine and it came up .000%. Boom, Sober! Like I said, SOBER!

I asked officer Corwonderkern if he wanted to blow again, to which he replied, it “won’t be any different”. Boom, he knows I’m sober. Now I can go home. In fact, just for extra measure, I want the sheriff’s deputy to know too… “How you like them apples? I’m so drunk I blew a .000%.”, but I got booked any way.

While Barney Fife went home and slept in one of his many superhero pajamas and had dreams of fighting supervillians, I was in a cold cell with cheeks to the wall, head covered, and hoping none of my cellmates were licking their chops with perverted thoughts.

The next morning came and breakfast was served. Yum. It was.. well, it was.. deli.. well.. Actually, I had to ask what it was.lunch3


“What kind of eggs?”


I’ve heard of green eggs and ham before, but I ain’t never see scrambled eggs that kind of color. There were some other items on that breakfast menu, but one thing I’m certain of, Michelle Obama had taken over the jail menu too.

After breakfast, I was worried about a making a phone call. I needed to get out, I still have a job to go to and I do not need to lose my job because of this. The deputy informed me that I need to fill out a request to make a phone call and that I probably won’t get out until Wednesday morning. Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to miss work and I can’t even call them?

I fill out the request and I write “My name is Jeff Blanco. I was arrested last night and I would like to make a phone call”.


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