Now I Am Definitely Leaving The Republican Party!

December 13, 2012

AshamedofGOPI have a great idea since I am smarter than the rest of you. The idea that I have is such an awesome idea that it hasn’t been tried yet. Well, okay, there was the Libertarian Party, and the Green Party, The Conservative Party, The Constitution Party, Ross Perot’s Reform Party, the Communist Party, the Nazi Party, and of course everybody’s favorite “The Rent Is Too Damn High Party (Because The Rent Is Too Damn High)”. We’re still investigating if anybody has tried “The people who have hair party” and the Mohawk Party.

I already know what I will name my political party. It needs the name of a great man, a magnificent man. Somebody who is a household name, that has a great name. Somebody who has a street in every city named after him and many schools that bear his name. That’s right, the Jefferson Party… named after none other than… yours truly. Me. My name is Jeff, and I would like to name my party after me.

cartoon-bang-head-jpgNow, I am a proponent for you to go off and start your own political party, one in which your views reign supreme. I don’t care what you call your party, call it the “Party Like it’s 1999″ for all I care, just don’t try to steal the name “The Jefferson Party ©”. I just Copyrighted it. It’s mine, all mine.

You can join my party, and you should because obviously I know more about the fixing America than you do. First step, run for President. Next step, find a Vice President. Third step, criticize both parties because they are both wrong no matter what they do. See? I’ve got a wonderful platform.

Now, you may ask yourself, “Why leave the Republican Party and join the “Jefferson Party”? Because I have both a back bone and I will listen to YOU. Yes, I will listen to you, but not the people who disagree with you. I have the back bone to stand up to people who I disagree with, but will cave to your demands. I am the perfect guy that you want. No need for you to go out and win the debate, there’s no need for you to campaign for me. There is no need for you to make contributions to my campaign and there is no need for you to do anything other than sit in your Laz-E-Boy. I will fix America for you and do it just like you want me too.

Boehner_double-cry-e1341243605338Boehner? He’s got no back bone. He caves to pressure. Why would he listen to Obama? He should be listening to you. We didn’t send Boehner to Congress to work on behalf of the American people, we sent him there to work on our behalf. Wait a minute, I didn’t even send Boehner to congress! I never voted for him and as soon as he’s running in my district, I promise you, I will never vote for him again. How did he even become a congressman?

Sure he’s put him self out there and he’s won a few elections, somewhere, I’m sure. And there’s that other congressman, what’s his name again? What? There are 435 congressman out there? And ONLY 1 listens to ME???? And YOU??? What is this world coming too? You mean I am just like most Americans and only have 1 congressman who represents me? God Forbid it, I need my own political party.

You don't need to tell me to jump off the Republican plank.

You don’t need to tell me to jump off the Republican plank.

What???? I only have two Senators that listen to me, and only one that I voted for? Holy smokes! This is the reason why I need to start my own political party called the Jefferson Party ©! I need a party that listens to me!

And so do you. It is a military strategy to divide and conquer. That’s what we need to do, since this is a war, and all of us on the right need to do it. We need to divide and conquer Obama. We need everybody on the right to leave the Republican Party and divide our selves into several political parties, each pulling 20 Republicans away from that Party, and 5 Democrats away from their party. Then Barack Obama and the Democrats can win elections with only 37% of the vote. Divide ourselves, and conquer the Democrats! That will teach them a lesson! They won’t be able to ignore our voices then, will they?

Look it’s worked in other countries such as Nicaragua. Daniel Ortega became President with only 37% of the vote. Now instead of being a ruthless dictator, he’s now just President of Nicaragua. It worked in Venezuela, but those idiots down there are trying to screw up the plan. They have united and Hugo Chavez now has to win at least 50% of the vote because his opposition have finally united under one umbrella. They totally screwed up the plan, because Hugo Chavez began to rule by decree, and if people could just force him to win with 37% of the vote, he’ll start listening to his opposition then.

Sounds crazy, right? Any wonder why we’re losing elections when we sound like that? Maybe politics is the art of the possible and not the art of “ME”. On second thought, while some of you run to the hills to “fight”, I think I’ll stick around on the battleground.


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